Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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