last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
