I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
