How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
