you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
