My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the liver wants what the liver wants
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
