I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
