i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
