The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
