So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize