I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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