Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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