I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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