i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
