I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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