Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
