my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
