I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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