i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Rumble strips road head = magical
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize