I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize