my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
