turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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