OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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