Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
