is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
3 2 1 whiskey
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
