I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
