the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
