but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
