Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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