Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
