16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
