Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
