So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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