So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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