Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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