i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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