You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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