I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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