I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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