Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
