like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
