How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
