masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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