idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
