Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
