I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This house was built for laser tag.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
