Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
