We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
