$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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