So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
