I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
