I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
