were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
