I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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