We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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