hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
