Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
