Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
