i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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