I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
