its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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