Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
