I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
