so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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