what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
