If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
