it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
