If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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