my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
